


Truth be told (I never was yours)

by soft_exo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Actor Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Idol Kim Jongin | Kai, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-07 16:05:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18876535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_exo/pseuds/soft_exo
Summary: Kyungsoo thinks Jongin can't act. Jongin promises to prove him wrong.And prove him wrong he does, in a way Kyungsoo could never have imagined, even in his wildest dreams.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I based this off a tweet I saw a while back that I can no longer find. If anyone knows where I can find it or who the OP is, do let me know so I can credit them.
> 
> Kudos/comments are always appreciated.
> 
> You can find me on twitter at @soft_exo_A03. Let's be mutuals :)

Doh Kyungsoo is going to be late.

He sits behind the wheel of his car drumming his fingers impatiently against the gear stick. Ahead of him is a line of stationary traffic and further down the cause of the delay. It's a black minivan, shiny and sleek with tinted windows, playing music so loud that Kyungsoo can hear the vibration of the beat even from back here. It's showy and familiar enough that he knows it's a celebrity car. Probably an idol, judging by the crowd of people currently crowding around it.

Assessing the situation Kyungsoo concludes that a delivery driver had nicked the van with his motorbike. From what he could see the delivery guy’s bike had taken the brunt of the collision and the van was just fine, barely even a scratch visible. The idol should just let it slide.

But from experience Kyungsoo knows idols could be obnoxious and petty. Once an idol himself, he'd seen what fame and money did to people, and he's not proud of it, but even he on occasion had acted out in ways that make his toes curl in embarrassment to this day. He knows it's a stereotype and it makes no sense to judge idols just because they're idols but Kyungsoo does anyway, only because he knows better.

He sighs, checking his watch. He has exactly 20 minutes until the meeting and a distance of at least 30 to cover. Kyungsoo hates being late even more than he hates people being late, and he hates that _a lot_. Having to work on his day off just adds to his increasing annoyance. Some idol-actor’s management wanted a meeting with him and they couldn't do any other day so Kyungsoo and his team had been forced along. He had considered rejecting them but Chanyeol had asked him because he owed someone a favour and Kyungsoo couldn't deny his friend anything. And so here he was wasting his precious time on what would be a pointless meeting anyway.

Kyungsoo doesn't work with idol-actors, and he knows he's believing yet another stereotype but again, he was once an idol-actor and with all due respect, idols were shitty. There were a few who were talented- not to blow his own trumpet- like he had been (and still was) but most were mediocre at best. Kyungsoo didn't do mediocre; he did excellent or better.

Finally, the managers up front seem to have come to a conclusion and traffic starts moving again. Kyungsoo floors the accelerator, not forgetting to flip the van off as he speeds past. He is late but no one notices because the idol is even later. He doesn't know if he should be relieved or pissed.

He joins the casting and directing team in the meeting room, sitting restlessly at the table, his frustration increasing with each passing minute. Eventually, the idol turns up wearing what looks like pyjamas. There's teddy bears all over him, on his clothes, on his trainers, on the neck pillow he's clutching, even on the shades over his eyes.

_Fucking hell._

The idol's manager rushes in behind him, bowing and apologising. He introduces the idol as Kim Jongin to the room before ushering Jongin into a chair. The introduction is unnecessary; Kyungsoo doubts there is anyone in the continent of Asia who hasn't at least heard of this guy. Kim Jongin, also known as Asia's First Love, bows half-heartedly then slumps in his seat. Throughout the meeting, Kyungsoo's annoyance grows.

When Jongin had been presented to him by the casting team, Kyungsoo had decided to give him a chance. He'd searched him up, idol activities first, and _boy_ could the man dance. Kyungsoo had been mesmerised by the way Jongin moved on stage, his subtle yet captivating facial expressions and the passion with which he danced. His singing wasn't bad either. Jongin had a deep yet sweet voice and Kyungsoo may have added one of his OST’s to his playlist. He also may or may not have drooled a little over his chiselled jawline and rock hard abs, but no one needs to know that.

Then, he'd searched up some of his acting projects and been surprised by the success of a mini series and one full length drama. The ratings for each episode were above average and consistent throughout airing. Maybe we've got an all round talent on our hands, Kyungsoo had said to himself, clicking the first episode of the drama. He had watched ten minutes of it, and been… Underwhelmed.

Thoroughly, _thoroughly_ underwhelmed.

The man couldn't act for shit. His lines were read rather than performed, expressions overplayed and movements awkward. It was downright embarrassing. The ratings and positive feedback had clearly come from over-eager fans.

Kyungsoo had called the casting team and refused right away. And yet here he was, wasting his day off on a guy who could barely keep his eyes open. Kyungsoo watches Jongin as he stares at the table with drooping eyelids. He understood how tiring the life of an idol was but this was a professional setting and Jongin wasn't the only one with a lot on his plate. Jongin didn't even seem to care about what was happening, his manager doing all the talking. When Jongin yawns loudly, Kyungsoo decides enough is enough.

“Personally,” He interrupts the manager, Junmyeon was it? “I don't think Mr Kim is a good fit. I understand that he brings in a lot of money in investment and that would no doubt help the success of this movie, but we're looking for quality actors. We have a certain ethic to keep up and won't cast actors just because they're popular.”

“But-” Junmyeon starts.

Kyungsoo barrels on. “Not to mention his unprofessionalism. He was late-”

“There was a little incident-”

“I'm sure there was. Things happen, but there is a level of respect required in dealing with others. A phone call would have sufficed. We are all busy people and can't be kept waiting around. Most of us have come in on our day off to fit your schedule and your idol can't even stay awake for this.” Junmyeon nudges Jongin, but he seems awake now, staring at Kyungsoo with wide eyes. “I want this movie to be a showcase of talent, not popular names and fancy endorsements.” Kyungsoo finishes, staring levelly at Jongin.

Jongin finally speaks. “What are you trying to say?” His tone is flat and for some reason that pisses Kyungsoo off.

“What I'm trying to say, Mr Kim Jongin, is that you can't act for shit and I don’t want you in my movie.” Kyungsoo smiles icily at him, then stands. He bows politely and storms out, pulling out his phone to call Chanyeol.

“Hey, how'd the meeting-”

“What a waste of my fucking time.” Kyungsoo spits.

“Shit. That bad?” Chanyeol asks.

“Worse. The man is a nightmare.”

“Oh, I didn't know. I've never met him but Sehun seems to like him.” Chanyeol apologises.

“Who the hell is Sehun?”

“Oh Sehun. CEO of _Oh!_ Magazine.”

Kyungsoo recalls. “Right. How on earth did you end up owing him a favour? You're a composer.”

“He featured me in his magazine. For that photoshoot a few months ago. _Kyungsoo_ you never pay attention to me!” Chanyeol whines.

“Quit that. I've had enough drama for today.”

“Oh yeah. Is he really that bad or are you just being a prickly prick as usual?” Kyungsoo steps out into the car park and spots a black minivan. The same van that had made him late.

“Insufferable jerk.” He snarls.

“Uh...”

“Anyway, tell Sehun I'm sorry but I can't work with his friend.” Kyungsoo unlocks his own car, getting in.

“No worries. Thanks for trying.”

“You owe me so bad, Chanyeol, so freaking bad.”

“And you won't let me forget it.” Chanyeol sighs.

\---

Kyungsoo decides to put the whole Jongin ordeal out of his mind. There's no point wasting energy on a man he's never going to see again, after all. He's wrong. He sees Jongin again, far too soon, at a party for rising actors and directors. Why Jongin was even invited is beyond him but he chooses to ignore the idol after spotting him by the snack bar. His plan goes to shit when Baekhyun calls him over from where he's talking to a few investors with an enthusiastic wave of his hands. Baekhyun is a good friend and at the moment the Co-director of the movie he's working on. Kyungsoo joins him, greeting a few familiar faces and introducing himself to new ones.

Jongin had moved away from the snacks and was lingering at the edge of the group while Junmyeon buttered up some suits. They make eye contact and Kyungsoo scowls, expecting a glare back, but Jongin smiles. Kyungsoo is taken aback. The smile is sweet and he is reminded of the few minutes he'd spent Googling Jongin's face and appreciating his visuals. He shakes himself out of those thoughts and looks away.

Inevitably, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s movie is mentioned, and then Jongin is brought up. The majority of the investors think casting Jongin is an excellent idea and want to know why Kyungsoo is so against it. Kyungsoo just smiles and doesn't answer; it's his project after all and he can do whatever the hell he damn well pleases. Except it is Kim Jongdae’s business, being the head of all marketing, finances and final decisions and he wants Jongin on board too.

Kyungsoo doesn't get it. No one seems to see that Jongin is going to ruin the movie. One flaw could bring the whole thing crashing down in flames and they wanted the stiffest actor Kyungsoo had ever seen to play the lead. Thousands of pounds worth of investments as well as months of planning and hard work were at stake. More importantly, though, his spotless reputation as one of the best directors the industry had seen was at stake.

“I know Jongin isn't the best actor out there,” Junmyeon says and Kyungsoo is inclined to agree. “But he's hard working and wants to learn. He picks things up very well.”

Kyungsoo scoffs. “Sometimes hard work alone isn't enough. There has to be at least a little talent to go with it.”

Jongin flushes as heads turn towards him and Kyungsoo feels a tiny bit guilty. Embarrassing him in front of all these hotshots may have been a little harsh.

Jongdae interrupts the heavy silence. “How about you mentor him a little? You were once and idol and an actor, you know what the pressure is like. There's a lot Jongin can learn from you. Just while the movie is in production.”

Kyungsoo blanches. _Mentor_  Jongin? _Only_ while the movie was in production? They had just finished finalising the script, it would be _forever_ until it was ready for the screens. He wants to protest, put his foot down and say hell to the motherfucking _no_ , but Jongdae and Baekhyun are looking expectantly at him. With that many famous names and faces around, with Jongdae being the project's biggest investor, with his flawless reputation that he'd worked hard on for years, all Kyungsoo can do is nod and act like he'd just been bestowed a favour.

Good thing he could act. Unlike a certain someone.

Kyungsoo excuses himself to the bathroom shortly after, sending daggers at Jongdae who blows him a kiss. Why the guy had the nerve to act so friendly with him is a mystery to Kyungsoo. He's washing his hands when the door opens and Jongin walks in. Their eyes meet in the mirror and this time Jongin does glare. Kyungsoo glares right back, not caring that he's thirty and way too grown for this petty shit.

“Director.” Jongin bows, a sneer on his lips.

“Mr Kim.”

Jongin leans against the sink next to his, arms crossed over his chest. The movement makes the buttons on his shirt pull, revealing a sliver of tan skin. His arms are built like trunks, _goddamn_. Kyungsoo swallows, decidedly not looking at Jongin's thighs which he knows are just about bursting through the seams of his too tight suit pants.

“Looks like you're my mentor.” Jongin drawls.

“Yes, lucky you. Not an ounce of talent and yet you're in the position hundreds of worthy actors would die for. I guess money and a flashy face really gets you places huh?”

Jongin bares his teeth, eyes flashing. He steps forward and braces his arms against the sink behind Kyungsoo, crowding him against it. Kyungsoo can smell Jongin's expensive cologne and a hint of sweat. The difference in height means he has to look up at Jongin and they're so close his nose is almost brushing against his chin.

“I'll show you what acting is. That's a promise.” Jongin whispers harshly, his breath fanning out onto Kyungsoo's face.

Even if he won't admit it, he's slightly taken aback by the wild look in Jongin's eyes, his tone almost sending shudders down Kyungsoo's spine. He quickly gathers himself and huffs out an amused laugh, placing a palm on Jongin's (very firm) chest. He pushes, and Jongin staggers back before righting himself, still staring at Kyungsoo with those dark, cold eyes. Kyungsoo shakes his head, not bothering with a response.

“Hey, director.” He's pushed the bathroom door open when Jongin calls out to him. Kyungsoo looks back and Jongin's smile is warm again. Maybe if his expressions were half as realistic on screen as they were right now, he'd have a chance in the acting world.

“So you think my face is flashy?” Jongin grins.

Kyungsoo grits his teeth.

\---

The following Monday, Kyungsoo goes into work in a fairly good mood. He'd been grumpy all weekend, driving Baekhyun and Chanyeol crazy with his complaining. He'd even called up Jongdae to try and get himself out of this shitty situation. Jongdae had cackled into the phone and hung up. Kyungsoo had re-dialed, only to be put through to Jongdae’s secretary, a no nonsense woman who had simply told him his number would be blocked the next time he called.

All that complaining and cursing seemed to have blown off most of his steam though, and by Monday Kyungsoo thinks it won't be so bad after all. He could always find a way to get rid of Jongin, and if not, as one of the most popular idols around, Jongin was sure to be too busy to bother Kyungsoo. His own idol days still made him shudder; the back to back promotions, fan meets, concerts, press releases, interviews, continuous practices, the nowhere near enough sleep. Jongin was even more popular than Kyungsoo had been in his prime, so his schedule is sure to be gruelling.

He's wrong. Again. He walks into his office to find Jongin and Junmyeon sat on his sofa. More like sprawled actually, their shoes making marks on the expensive leather.

Kyungsoo feels his mood plummet immediately. “What are you doing here?”

Junmyeon scrambles up from the sofa and bows, his cheeks flushed. “Ah.. Sorry, we had a late night shooting and a really early morning schedule and we’re a bit tired so...” he trails off, glancing at Kyungsoo's blank face.

He's clearly not exaggerating. His eyes are red and there are dark circles under his eyes. His clothes and hair look rumpled too. Jongin, who hasn't moved from his sprawl looks perfectly put together despite everything, Kyungsoo notices with annoyance.

“What are you doing here?” He repeats, collapsing into his chair.

“Ah, today is the first day of Jongin's mentoring.” Junmyeon beams. Kyungsoo kind of wants to punch him right in his cheerful little face.

“Excuse me?”

“Jongdae said you were available and he could sit in with you through the day.”

“ _Excuse me!?_ ”

“Jongdae said you were-”

“I fucking heard you the first time!” Kyungsoo snaps.

He pulls out his phone and dials Jongdae. The secretary picks and promptly hangs up without so much as a greeting. When he calls again, it doesn’t go through. The secretary had been serious about blocking him it seems.

“Excuse me.” Kyungsoo says again, turning in his chair to face the wall. He buries his face in his hands and screams. When he composes himself and turns around again, Junmyeon looks like a startled rabbit and Jongin has woken from his nap to peek at him curiously.

Kyungsoo is once again the picture of professionalism. “Do you have the luxury to be hanging out here? I'm sure there are plenty more pressing matters on Jongin's schedule.”

“Don't you check the Internet?” Junmyeon’s tone is incredulous. He looks at Kyungsoo like he'd just stated that the earth was flat. “We had a press con this morning to announce an extended hiatus while Jongin works on his acting projects and recovers from his injury.”

“Injury?” Kyungsoo asks. _The sun rotates around the moon, Junmyeon,_ Kyungsoo might as well have said.

“Jongin tore the ligament in his ankle a few times, so it's very weak. If he doesn't rest properly this time he could lose the use of his foot altogether.”

“Right. Of course. How dare I not know that.”

“Anyway, I still have a lot to do so I'll leave Jongin in your care. Please looks after him.” Junmyeon implores, his entire being heavy with exhaustion.

Kyungsoo feels for him. When he'd been an idol, he'd gone through so many managers he couldn't even keep count. Being an idol was tiring but so was managing the idols. His managers had always quit, the stress becoming too much after a while. He didn't blame them. Often he'd wanted to quit that life himself and move to the countryside with a few chickens or something.

When Kyungsoo doesn't respond, Junmyeon stalks over to Jongin, pinching his cheek. Jongin whines, swatting his hand away.

“Behave! Don't bother Director Doh.”

“I will.” Jongin pouts.

Kyungsoo scoffs. A fully grown man pouting was ridiculous even if he did look cute doing it.

Junmyeon pulls Jongin's ear but his tone is gentle. “Please, Nini. Behave for me okay? Don't make me worry about you.”

“I didn't ask you to.”

“Jongin.”

“Okay, okay I'll behave.”Jongin relents, still pouting.

“Thank you, Nini.” Junmyeon ruffles his hair and is gone.

They look at each other with matching expressions of annoyance, then Kyungsoo sighs and pulls out his work. He tries to ignore Jongin but it's not an easy feat. Everything about him ticks Kyungsoo off. He breathes too loud, his shoes make too much noise when he paces across the office, his ringtone is fucking annoying and so is the soundtrack to the stupid game he's always playing on his phone. Kyungsoo wants to slam his head into the ground and it's barely been two hours.

He doesnt leave his chair all day, which is not unusual for him, but it seems Jongin doesn't know how to sit still because he’s always fucking moving. He paces for a while, then flops onto the couch, upside down then sideways then the right way up, he even lays on the floor at one point. Kyungsoo tries to be patient but he’s used to being alone while he works and this arrangement isn’t working for him.

After a few hours of barely restrained anger, Kyungsoo snaps at Jongin and tells him to _‘Just stop fucking breathing what the fuck!’_. Jongin looks shocked, then huffs and storms out, leaving behind a beautiful silence. Kyungsoo loves silence. So much so he doesn't find much time to feel guilty about his outburst.

He doesn’t care where Jongin has gone, as long as he was being loud far far away from him, but when it’s time to leave work and Jongin hasn't come back, Kyungsoo starts feeling a little bad. He supposes Jongin had probably gone home by now, since it was late and most of the staff had already left. He packs up his things, deciding to apologise the next day, and heads out.

On his way to the elevator he hears music from down the corridor, which is strange because there's no one here at this time and the only place the sound could be coming from is the unused studio. Kyungsoo backtracks and carefully peeks into the studio, which is really just a large room with a mirrored wall and a few benches. It had once been used for background music production, but now the music team has their own floor so the studio was used for storage.

Someone had moved all the boxes and clutter aside, clearing a space in the middle of the room. The lights were dimmed, only a few ceiling spotlights turned on, and Kyungsoo has to let his eyes adjust to the dark to see clearly, but once he can, his gasps in awe.

It’s Jongin. He’s playing a track on his mobile and dancing in front of the mirror. The dim lighting makes it difficult to see his expression but his sharp movements are unmistakable. Kyungsoo sneaks quietly in, sitting at the edge of the room on one of the benches, making sure he’s far enough into the shadows that he can’t be seen. He watches with rapt attention, unable to look away from Jongin as he moves with the music. The shadows make him seem even more surreal, like a magical being right out of a fantasy world. In all his years as a idol, he’s never seen someone who dances quite like Jongin does.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, but eventually, the music stops and Jongin finishes. He stands there for a moment, just breathing harshly, his chest rising and falling. Kyungsoo can see the sweat glistening on his tanned arms. He gulps as Jongin begins to peel his wet tank off, slowly revealing his muscular back. In the mirror, Kyungsoo can see abs, shifting as Jongin raises his arms. Shit, Jongin is even more beautiful in real life. Jongin stops with his top halfway off and when he doesn’t keep going, Kyungsoo tears his eyes away from the muscles and looks up. His breath stops when he meets Jongin’s laughing eyes in the mirror.

“Like what you see?” Jongin smirks, and there’s no doubt he hadn’t caught Kyungsoo practically drooling over his body.

Kyungsoo clears his throat. “Why are you here this late?”

Jongin pulls his top off the rest of the way, draping it around his neck like a towel and Kyungsoo openly stares this time. He’s already been caught, it couldn’t get much more embarrassing than that. Jongin picks up his phone and joins Kyungsoo on the bench, limping slightly as he makes his way over. He picks up a water bottle and takes a long drink. Kyungsoo watches the way his adam’s apple bobs, droplets of water and sweat running enticingly along the curve of his throat.

Jongin cocks his head, watching Kyungsoo with an amused expression. Kyungsoo opens his mouth, but closes it quickly and scowls instead, turning his body away from Jongin as though that would stop him from his creepy staring. There’s not much he can say in his defense anyway. Jongin laughs, and Kyungsoo finds himself looking again. His laugh is higher and sweeter than Kyungsoo had expected it to be. It takes him a second to realise Jongin is laughing _at_ him, and he scowls again.

“I asked you a question.”

“I’m not allowed to practise at the company, Junmyeon would kill me, and my place doesn’t have mirrors like that.” Jongin answers, still laughing.

“You like watching yourself huh?” Kyungsoo says, too late realising the innuendo behind his words. Or maybe it was just him thinking dirty thoughts. Kyungsoo has to change the subject right now. “Aren’t you supposed to be resting? You were limping earlier.”

Jongin shrugs, and if he thinks anything of Kyungsoo's comment, it doesn't show. “I like dancing.”

“You won’t be able to dance much longer if you keep straining yourself when you’re hurt.”

“Are you worrying about me?”

“As if.” Kyungsoo mutters. He wishes Jongin would put some clothes on. “How did you find this place?”

“I met a really nice Hyung who also likes dancing and he showed it to me.” Jongin turns to look at him. “Are you going to yell at me to stop lurking around and just die again?”

Kyungsoo grimaces. “Sorry about that, i’m not used to having people around me while I work. I shouldn't have snapped at you.”

“Wow, did you just apologize? Amazing, could you do it again a little bit louder? I don’t think I heard you right the first time.Here let me just record-” Jongin flinches away when Kyungsoo whirls on him.

Jongin pulls his tank back on, much to Kyungsoo's simultaneous relief and disappointment, and follows him out. They walk to the elevator, Jongin one step behind the whole time, as though he’s unsure if he's allowed to walk next to him. Kyungsoo is a little unsure himself. He doesn’t exactly hate Jongin as a person, he just doesn’t want the guy in his film or at his workplace. Or in his life.

They ride the elevator in silence, Kyungsoo definitely not staring at Jongin's bare arms in the reflection of the door. Somewhere between Kyungsoo's floor and the lobby, a change overcomes Jongin. Kyungsoo hadn't realised how different Jongin had been acting until he switches back. He's suddenly cold again, closed off with an air of arrogance which is nothing like the Jongin that had been dancing so beautifully or the Jongin who had laughed at him on the bench. Kyungsoo thinks back to the day at the party when Jongin had promised to show him acting, how his tone had sent chills through him. Was it just on screen that Jongin couldn't act?

The reason for the change becomes apparent as they step out of the doors. There's a flurry of activity as fans and reporters come rushing at Jongin, camera shutters and flashes going off so bright Kyungsoo has to blink to keep focus. Jongin nods at him slightly, before turning to the crowd, his idol face back in action.

A few cameras flash at Kyungsoo too, he still has fans from his idol and actor days although his more recent fans are of the older generation and don't stake out his workplace everyday. He smiles tightly, avoiding any questions or requests for autographs by rushing to his car. Thank God those days were over for him. As he pulls away, he watches Jongin smiling despite his obvious exhaustion. Something like pity stirs in Kyungsoo's gut.

\---

Jongin takes to calling him ‘Hyung’ instantly bypassing ‘Director’ or ‘Sunbaenim’. The first time it happens, he doesn't know how to react. They're sitting in the office, the second day into this mentoring bullshit, Kyungsoo at his desk and Jongin on the couch with his feet propped on the coffee table because he knows Kyungsoo hates that. They're back to ignoring each other, the brief spell of friendliness that had taken place the day before forgotten.

“Hyung.”

Kyungsoo flicks through the report in front if him, highlighting a grammar mistake.

“Hyung?”

A lowercase letter when there should be an uppercase one. Disgraceful.

“Hyung!”

Who the fuck wrote this monstrosity and had the nerve to hand it in? Kyungsoo flicks back to the first page of the report. Zhang Yixing. Who the hell was that? He was going to call this guy in and give him a piece of his mind-

“ _HYUNG!!_ ”

Kyungsoo startles at the sudden volume of Jongin's voice. “A-are you talking to _me_?”

Jongin rolls his eyes. “No Hyung, I'm talking to Lord Voldemort attached to the back of your head.”

Kyungsoo is too baffled to snap at Jongin for his snark. “Hyung? Since when am I your Hyung?”

“Since now.”

“No I'm not.”

“Well you're not old enough to be an Ahjussi so Hyung it is.” Jongin shrugs.

“Don't call me that.”

“Okay, sorry Hyung.”

“I _just_ said-” Kyungsoo grits his teeth.

Jongin's smile is innocent. “Oops, I won't do it again Hyung.”

“For the love of God, Jongin!” 

From that point on, Kyungsoo hears ‘Hyung’ so often he's unintentionally been conditioned to respond to it. Jongin will call him constantly, over and over never letting up despite how long Kyungsoo ignores him. Jongin's insistent voice ringing in his ears is distracting and annoying enough that he eventually relents, snapping a vicious “ _What!?_ ” at Jongin. Jongin just responds with a cheeky grin and something like “ _Hello, Hyung_.” or “ _Nothing, Hyung_.” It gets to a point where Kyungsoo swears he can hear Jongin's “Hyung, Hyung, Hyung, Hyung, HYUNG, _HYUNG_!” even when the jerk isn't around.

He's losing his goddamn mind.

Baekhyun on the other hand finds it adorable, cooing over the idol when he drops by Kyungsoo's office for lunch. Usually Kyungsoo sees him a few times a week but since Jongin's arrival he's been hanging around almost every day. Chanyeol thinks it's hilarious and even he makes an appearance, which is surprising since the composer barely leaves the studio he built for himself in his apartment. He even dresses himself in something other than his Adidas tracksuits. Jongin laps up the attention, delighted by the two new Hyungs he gets to hang out with and who tell him embarrassing stories about Kyungsoo.

Meanwhile Kyungsoo sulks, thoroughly pissed off that everyone loves Jongin. So what Jongin is sweet and cute and has an adorable smile and a beautiful laugh? Kyungsoo catches himself mid-thought, stabbing his pasta with so much force his plastic fork snaps. The others stare at him and he mutters an excuse before making himself scarce. He tries not to think too hard about the strange thoughts he keeps having about Jongin the more days he spends with him.

 

It takes Jongin two whole weeks to talk about the movie.

“What's your movie about?” He asks.

Kyungsoo looks away from his computer screen in disbelief. “You don't know what it's about? You're trying to get a role in it and you don't even know what the story is?”

“I don't want the role.”

“You what? So why are you trying so hard to get in?”

“I'm not. My company are. It's good money and publicity for them. I'm bound by contract to do what they say.” Jongin murmurs.

Kyungsoo hadn't known that. “So what is it you want to do?”

“Honestly, I just want to dance. That's what they said I would do if I signed with them. They'd get me into a dance group and I could dance as much as I wanted. But then they started to make me sing which wasn't that bad, I love music so I had fun. Then I had to go on TV and do interviews and talk to people and act and all sorts of other things. I couldn't even say anything, the contract makes that impossible.”

There's that pity in his gut again. He grabs a folder from his desk and walks over to Jongin, handing it to him.

Jongin takes it. “What's this?”

“The original ideas for this movie. The first dialogues, scripts, concepts and so on. There's months of ideas and hard work from me and Baekhyun in that folder.”

“You're giving it to me?” Jongin grins at him. “Thanks.”

Kyungsoo goes back to his desk but watches Jongin leaf through the papers from the corner of his eye. He's somewhat curious as to what Jongin thinks. It is his pride and joy after all. 

It's the story of a young athlete, injured during a match which results in him losing his sight. His estranged brother uses this as an excuse to escape prison and take responsibility over him, while thinking he can slack off and live how he wants. The brothers struggle to live together, the athlete slowly overcoming his fears and finding a way to go back to the sport he loves while the brother discovers a meaning to his life. It's a sad ending, aiming to show the viewers the importance of family and highlight that time is limited, that you need to enjoy life with no regrets. He wants it to serve as a reminder to his viewers, while also making them grateful for what they have.

Jongin reads with quiet interest and Kyungsoo is pleased to see that he's smiling. He must like the story. He says as much when he finishes, returning the folder to Kyungsoo. A knock cuts their conversation short, and a tall Chinese man peeks into the office.

“Hyung!” Jongin breaks into a grin and the man smiles too, his cheeks dimpling. He steps into the room, bowing politely to Kyungsoo.

“Director, you called for me.” He says in a heavily accented Korean.

“You're Zhang Yixing?”

“Yes sir.”

“You're in charge of the daily and weekly reports right?”

“Yes sir.”

“How long have you been working here Yixing?”

“Uh, a few weeks sir.”

“Almost a month if I'm correct?”

“Yes sir.”

“Yixing, your reports are awful. They're riddled with mistakes of the most basic kind. Even high schoolers would be able to spot them.”

“R-right, sorry sir, I'll fix it.”

“Normally, I'd let a few errors go but this is simple grammar and spellings, Yixing. I expect better, especially after a month of working here.”

“Ah s-sorry sir, I've just moved to Korea so my Korean isn't very good. I'm really sorry, I'll try harder and do a better job.”

“Since you're not yet fluent I'll give you some time to improve, but you understand that you're the last one to see most of these documents unless I look through them right? If you're sending off files in this condition, you're going to be ruining the image and reliability of our company.”

“Sorry, sir.”

“Be more careful in the future, you may go.”

“Yes sir, sorry sir.”

Jongin watches Yixing leave, then rushes out after him, dropping the folder on the desk. Kyungsoo tells himself he's not disappointed.  

\---

There's a party for the movie crew and Jongdae insists that Jongin needs to make an appearance with Kyungsoo and Baekhyun. It's common knowledge that Jongin, Korea’s most popular idol is being mentored by Kyungsoo, Korea’s beloved director, and Jongdae wants to make a show of it.

Jongin sticks to Kyungsoo like glue, despite both Baekhyun and Chanyeol being present (Chanyeol gets in by knowing everyone there is to know). The only time he leaves Kyungsoo's side is when he spots someone he knows across the room. Kyungsoo watches him run excitedly over, but the smile on his face drops when he sees the man Jongin shakes hands with. Kyungsoo feels his stomach drop.

What the hell was _he_ doing here?

Just then, Chanyeol comes over to speak to him and sees the look on his face. He follows Kyungsoo's gaze and gasps. “What the hell is _he_ doing here?”

Kyungsoo doesn't answer. He wants to know too.

“He's part of the team.” Baekhyun grimaces, joining them.

“He's what?” Kyungsoo hisses. “Who made that decision?”

“Uh… you did?”

“When the hell did i do that? _Why_ the hell would I do that?”

“He was on the list of artists for the movie OST and you signed it off?” Baekhyun says carefully.

“I did what?” Kyungsoo is very confused.

“On Wednesday. The final sound production details were sent to you. You checked them and signed them off and everyone on the document was contacted and confirmed.”

“Wednesday? Shit.” Kyungsoo finally remembers.

He'd gone out during his lunch break to use the toilet and on his way back had heard Jongin in the studio so he'd gone in to watch for a little while. He'd ended up sitting for too long, well over his lunch time and only realised when Yixing had come looking for him because he needed a document finalised. Kyungsoo had rushed back to the office, skim read the document and signed it so Yixing could run over and deliver it to the higher ups. Kyungsoo had been mortified, he was always early for deadlines but he'd almost missed such an important one. Also the fact that Jongin had distracted him to the point of slacking off from work had his ears flaming with embarrassment and he'd spent the rest of the day extra grumpy, not even sparing a thought for what he'd sent off.

“Fuck!” Kyungsoo curses.

“You okay?” Chanyeol asks, putting an arm around him.

Kyungsoo closes his eyes and breathes deeply. “Yeah, I'm just going to get some air.”

He steps out of the hall through a backdoor into a small, artificial garden. Normally he'd laugh at the tackiness of the trimmed hedges and how unrealistic the fountain was, but tonight he's glad for the privacy it provides. He finds a bench but before he can fall too far into his thoughts, someone joins him.

“Hyung what's up?” Jongin sits beside him.

“Nothing.”

“Is it because of- is it Kim Minseok?” Jongin asks tentatively.

Kim Minseok. As the public know him, Minseok had debuted at the age of 16 as one half of the promising duo ‘DX’. After a few unsuccessful years of promoting with his partner he'd joined a popular boy group and is now a reality TV star and OST singer. The other half of the duo had been Kyungsoo. As far as the news and official statements went, the duo had unanimously agreed to part ways after some misunderstandings. Minseok and his group had shot to fame almost immediately after the disbandment, and Kyungsoo had followed a little while later as a soloist. They were better off without each other everyone said.

What Jongin didn't know was that Minseok was Kyungsoo's first… Everything. His first friend in general and as a trainee, his first training partner, his first kiss, his first love, his first betrayal and first heartbreak. They'd known each other since they were kids, growing up on the same street and going to the same school, then they’d trained together from the age of 13 struggling through three years of hardship and somewhere along the line they'd fallen in love. Kyungsoo knows they were young and didn't really understand the concept of love at the time, but they were happy. They stuck together through everything, all the ups and down of training and debuting, the success they sometimes tasted and the failures they often experienced. It had been enough for Kyungsoo, even if they hadn't hit it big two years after their debut. He was living his dream of singing and he had Minseok by his side.

But for Minseok it wasn't enough. He had always been ambitious, wanted so much more from the world. It had been a huge blow when Kyungsoo was called into the company office one day to be told that Minseok had signed with a new agency and left. Minseok had chosen fame over Kyungsoo, leaving without a word or backward glance. It had _hurt_ when the news of a new boy group debuting had been announced with Minseok as centre, especially since Kyungsoo’s numerous calls and messages had been unopened and unanswered.

The articles had been ruthless in the beginning after the groups debut song had become a hit. They were slowly dominating every chart, sweeping awards at every show on their way to becoming Korea’s number one boy group. Everyone knew of Minseok from his ‘DX’ days, and the public speculated about his sudden departure from the duo and the fate of his abandoned partner. Kyungsoo's company had taken this sudden backlash by the throat and used it to shove Kyungsoo back out into the world. He debuted again as a soloist, the bad press helping him gain attention. Soon, the articles were comparing the successes of Minseok and Kyungsoo, who had more award wins, better stage presence, higher notes. At every turn, Kyungsoo was reminded of their past and thanks to Minseok he experienced the highest and lowest times of his life.

He'd expected to run into Minseok one day and honestly he was surprised it had taken this long. He turns to look into the window where he can see Minseok in conversation with someone. He doesn’t looks drastically different from when Kyungsoo had known him, although he knows that's because he checks in on the other man's activities once in a while. They may not have spoken in 14 years but Kyungsoo had watched Minseok grow from afar. Minseok looks up, catching his eye and they stare at each for a moment. Kyungsoo nods in acknowledgment and Minseok nods back.

Kyungsoo can do this, he tells himself, it had been years after all and he was no longer a heartbroken 18 year old. The sting of betrayal hadn't faded however, and although Kyungsoo doesn't think they can be friends again, he could work with him professionally. Hopefully. For the sake of his film and crew at least.

A warm hand on his knee pulls him away from his thoughts. Jongin smiles at him, warm and soft.

“Are the rumours true? Did you guys fight before you disbanded?”

“No, and that makes it worse.” There's a silent question in Jongin’s eyes that Kyungsoo chooses to ignore. “You two are friends?”

“Kind of. We worked on an OST together a few months ago and exchanged numbers. Does it bother you?”

“What? No. Of course not.” It kind of did. Why he didn’t know but it did.

“Want to get out of here?”

“It’s a party for my movie Jongin, I can't just leave.”

“Why not? It your movie, you can do whatever you want.” Jongin shrugs.

Kyungsoo is tempted. He hates these parties anyway. Jongin watches him, a hopeful expression on his face. Finally Kyungsoo nods.

“Okay?” Jongin beams. “Let’s go.”

“Wait, let me just go tell-”

“It’s not sneaking out if you tell people Hyung!”

“What are you, 7?”

“You’re 20 years off there.” Jongin grabs his hand, linking their fingers and pulls him away from the hall. There is a little path between the fake hedges and Jongin leads them down it and out into the car park.

“Jongin, I can’t drive I had a few drinks.”

“I didn’t. Today, i’ll be your driver.”

“Okay.” Then Kyungsoo realises something. “My keys-”

Jongin opens his hand, Kyungsoo’s keys sitting on his palm.

“Did you steal my keys from the valet? Were you planning this?”

“Since the moment we walked in.”

Kyungsoo shakes his head, laughing as he gets into the passenger seat. Jongin buckles up and clicks the GPS on, tapping ‘Home’ on the screen.

“Home?” Kyungsoo asks, surprised. “We're sneaking out just to go home?”

Jongin starts the car and backs out of the parking lot. “No offence Hyung but you don't seem the type to enjoy spontaneous adventures in the middle of the night.”

“Are you calling me boring?”

“Yes. But also you seem tired so I thought it'd be good for you to rest.”

“That's surprisingly sweet of you.”

“No it's not. I'm not a bad guy Hyung, you just have a twisted idea of who I am and are too stubborn to look past that.”

He's right and Kyungsoo knows it so he doesn't reply, instead leaning against the window and sleepily watches the city pass by. He also watches Jongin drive and it's a hot sight even if he won't admit it out loud.

Jongin pulls up outside the apartment and Kyungsoo makes an impulsive decision. “You want to come up for some coffee?”

“It's past 11 o'clock, you want to drink coffee?”

“Oh… Ramen then?”

“Are you inviting me up for ramen and chill?”

Kyungsoo sends him a deadpan expression, before climbing out of the car. Sure enough, Jongin follows after him, running to keep up. He lets Jongin into his apartment ready to give the grand tour, but Jongin spots the pile of blankets on the couch and dives headfirst into them with a squeal of excitement. He refuses to budge even after Kyungsoo cooks up a quick curry, so he brings the food to Jongin instead and they eat on the couch.

“This is the first time i’m eating in the living room.” Kyungsoo confesses.

“No way! This is the perfect place to eat.”

“No it’s going to make a mess and leave bad smells.”

Jongin scrunches his nose up in an adorable way. “Whatever Hyung I forgot you were old enough to be my dad.”

“I’m literally 3 years older than you. Not even that, 2 years and 7 months.”

“Did you Google me?”

“Yes.”

“That’s embarrassing. I Googled you too.”

“Oh God.”

“You’re a reallllyyyyyy good singer and actually a great actor.”

“I think you’re a pretty good dancer.”

“I know,” Jongin smirks but by now Kyungsoo has been caught drooling enough times for the embarrassed flush to fade. “You’re also an amazing cook. Is there anything you can’t do?”

“Get rid of you.”

Jongin pouts and Kyungsoo gives him some extra meat from his own plate to appease him.

\---

Now that Jongin knows where Kyungsoo lives, he invites himself over at every given opportunity. Almost on a daily basis Kyungsoo comes home to see Jongin already waiting at his door with a lopsided grin and a bag of takeout. Kyungsoo grumbles about just having spent the entire day with him but lets him in anyway every time.

Jongin makes him watch his favorite movies and doesn’t get upset when Kyungsoo criticizes everything from script to actors to set. Kyungsoo shows Jongin his favourites too, even though Jongin sleeps through every single one without fail. While he’s there, Kyungsoo makes Jongin practice his acting, ruthlessly directing and correcting. Jongin does his best despite Kyungsoo’s harsh teaching style and is always rewarded with a delicious home made meal from his quote ‘Favourite Hyung’. Often, Jongin falls asleep on the couch but after one drunken night where he'd ended up in Kyungsoo's bed, he crawls in beside Kyungsoo every other time he stays over and refuses to budge despite Kyungsoo’s severe death threats. He knows Kyungsoo doesn’t mean them anymore.

Jongin spends less time slouching around the office bothering Kyungsoo while he works and he can't hear any music from the studio so he knows the idol isn't dancing. He's secretly curious as to what Jongin gets up to but whenever he subtly asks, Jongin shrugs him off or avoids the subject. On a whim one day, Kyungsoo walks into the studio to find Jongin there. Since he hadn't heard music he'd assumed it was empty. Jongin is on his stomach on the floor, legs kicked up behind him. Beside him is Yixing in a similar position, papers scattered around them. Jongin is speaking softly to Yixing, a highlighter in his hand occasionally marking off sections on the pages. Yixing nods and hums, asking questions in his stilted Korean.

Kyungsoo steps further into the room, his shoes squeaking on the polished floors. Both men look up in alarm, Yixing quickly scrambling to a sitting position while gathering up the papers guiltily.

“Are those the weekly reports? And the budget proposals? And that looks like the balance sheets.” Kyungsoo squints to see clearly.

“I- uh… S-sir…” Yixing stumbles over his words, a flush covering his cheeks.

“What is going on here?” Kyungsoo demands.

“Hyung, stay here, I'll explain.” Jongin reassures Yixing, then stands. He grabs Kyungsoo's arms, dragging him away from the room.

Kyungsoo pulls away from his grasp. “I want to know what's going on!”

“I'll explain, please.” Jongin pleads and this time Kyungsoo lets himself be dragged to his office. Jongin shuts the door and turns to Kyungsoo.

“Well?” Kyungsoo crosses his arms, waiting.

“Look, Yixing Hyung didn't do anything wrong. After you told him off he was so sad and stressed and I just wanted to help.”

“It's not your job to help! Those are confidential files. If any of that information gets into the wrong hands, our company could be in big trouble.”

“I don't understand anything on them anyway. I was just helping him with grammar and stuff.”

Kyungsoo huffs in frustration. “It doesn't matter if you understand or not. That information could be sold off to people who want to harm us.”

“Are you suspecting me? You think I'd sell classified information?” Jongin looks a little hurt.

“I'm saying I don't know you very well. You could be a spy, God knows you got in here suspiciously enough.”

There's a beat of silence before Jongin responds. “I know you don't like me very much, but don't take it out on Yixing Hyung. I forced him to accept the help.”

“I'm not taking anything out on anyone. He broke the rules by showing you those documents.”

“Well, Hyung, what else was he supposed to do? He's barely been in Korea for a month and you're pressuring him to suddenly become fluent in a few weeks.”

“It's part of his job!” Kyungsoo cries.

“And it's part of your job to help him." Jongin challenges. "You're his employer. You can't just tell him to get better and not offer any help. How is he supposed to work on his korean if he's working here the whole day almost everyday of the week? You didn't even assign him a partner or anything!”

“That doesn't take away from the fact that he's violating company policy!”

Jongin tugs at his hair. “Oh my God you just can't accept that you're wrong can you! You know what, fine. If it bothers you that much I'll leave but don't fire Hyung. He needs this job.”

“Wait-”

“And just so you know I would never sell that information. You don't know me very well but I've been here long enough for you to know that much.” Jongin storms out and for some reason the security threat isn’t the thing on Kyungsoo’s mind. Instead its Jogin’s comment that bothers him. _‘I know you don't like me very much.’_

Jongin doesn’t turn up for the rest of the work day nor does he drop by Kyungsoo’s place. Kyungsoo sends him a text but it is left unread. When he doesn’t show up the next day, Kyungsoo calls Junmyeon who informs him that Jongin is unwell. Kyungsoo knows it’s a lie but doesn’t press further. He puts Jongin out of his mind and focuses on the Yixing situation. He realises that Jongin was right and asks his team to organise specified help for all foreign staff in the future. Yixing gets reprimanded for carelessness with confidential files but keeps his job. Still, Jongin doesn’t return for a few more days and Kyungsoo is on edge the entire time for a reason he knows very well but refuses to acknowledge.     

Baekhyun and Chanyeol take him out for drinks to lighten his dull mood. Kyungsoo agrees to avoid the pestering but sits at the bar with his drink in brooding silence. Both Baekhyun and Chanyeol are no help to him, instead getting hammered, giggling like school boys and hugging everyone who passes by them. Kyungsoo is left with the burden of dragging them out of the bar and into the street one by one, then into a cab. It takes an hour longer than necessary to get them both into Baekhyun’s house and into the double bed. He doesn’t have the energy to haul Chanyeol and his too long limbs halfway across the city to his own apartment. He helps them take off their shoes and coats, prevents Chanyeol from stripping, catches Baekhyun’s vomit into a pen holder (which he leaves on the desk for a pleasant morning surprise) and eventually tucks them in under the covers. The pair cling to each other, mumbling nonsense and howling with laughter for no apparent reason. Kyungsoo watches them with a deep sigh, too tired to strangle them tonight. One day soon he promises himself. As he leaves he hears Baekhyun mumble “He’s got it soooooo bad,” and can’t sleep for the rest of the night.

A few days later Kyungsoo is at his desk again when there is a knock at the door.

“Come in,” He says not looking up. When the person doesn’t speak Kyungsoo looks up and lets out a breath. It’s Jongin. He stands in front of the desk with his hands behind his back, a sheepish little grin on his face.

“Hey Hyung.”

“What the hell.”

Jongin fiddles with the hem of his jumper. “I know I'm sorry… I was mad at you so I missed a day and then I was too embarrassed to come back after saying I would leave like that and then Yixing Hyung told me that you let him keep his job and even helped him and everything but i was still embarrassed and-”

“Jongin shut up.”

“Yes Hyung.”

Now that Jongin is back, Kyungsoo feels like he can breathe again which is a dangerous thing to be feeling, especially so soon. It had only been a few months that he'd known Jongin and for Kyungsoo it was unusual to develop feelings like this. Obviously he’d felt things for his past lovers but never anything like this… Not since Minseok anyway and there's no need to dwell on how that had ended. Kyungsoo pushes the thought away, determined to leave that box in the furthest corner of his mind and lock away his rebellious feelings while he still could.

\---

“Hey, Hyung.” Jongin calls to Kyungsoo from his blanket burrito on the couch.

“Hmm.” Kyungsoo responds only half listening. He has a million emails to respond to.

Jongin wraps his blanket tighter around himself and waddles over to the kitchen table, standing behind Kyungsoo. “Have you finalised the title of your movie yet?”

“No. Why?”

“I was just thinking… I mean I had a suggestion. You can tell me if it's stupid and just ignore it or whatever… “

“What is it?”

“Hyung.”

Kyungsoo turns in his chair to look up at Jongin. “Yes?”

Jongin giggles, bending to prop his chin on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “No I mean call it Hyung.”

“You want me to call my movie Hyung?”

“Yeah. It's about family and a bond between two brothers so…”

“Do you just have an obsession with that word? That's like 80% of your vocabulary.”

“That's only because it annoys you.”

“It does.” Kyungsoo smiles. “We should call it ‘Annoying Hyung’.”

Jongin scowls, but then smiles. “Hm… ‘My annoying Hyung.’ A pretty accurate representation of sibling relationships. A little pestering and a lot of love.”

“Not bad. I'll think about it.”

 

After the party, Kyungsoo sees Minseok a handful more times. Since the music for the movie is recorded in advance, there’s no need to meet directly with the musicians but usually Kyungsoo does as a courtesy and this time is no exception. The first few times they meet in the lobby they nod curtly at each other and go their separate ways. 

Jongin, Kyungsoo notices, doesn’t rush over like he did at the party insead smiling politely and sticking to Kyungsoo’s side. It makes him smile and loosen his shoulders that he didn’t know he had tensed. Eventually though, they have to meet professionally in a room full of other musicians and a lot of cameras. It’s only now that Jongin is absent he realises how much the idol had helped calm him.

“Kyungsoo-ssi.” A too-familiar voice calls out. Kyungsoo discards the sheet music he had been pretending to read and puts on a surprised expression as though he hadn’t been tracking the man’s journey across the room. Already cameras are clicking.

“Ah, Mr Kim Minseok.” Kyungsoo’s smile is wide and friendly as he extends a hand.

“Oh there’s no need for such a formal greeting between old friends!” Minseok smiles back equally as big. He ignores the hand and pulls Kyungsoo into a hug.

He still wears the same perfume as he did when they were trainees. Suddenly Kyungsoo is transported back to the past and his heart thumps painfully in his chest. Just as he’s about to sink into the warmth of Minseok’s embrace, a flash goes off and he’s brought back to the present. _Its all for the cameras._ He reminds himself.

“Sorry, it’s been too long since we last had a chat.”

Minseok laughs. “You’re hard to get hold of. We should go out for a meal soon, it’s on me okay?”

“Of course,” Kyungsoo responds lightly despite the tightness in his throat.

As soon as acceptable, he makes himself scarce and washes his face with cold water in the bathroom. He takes a shaky breath and tells himself to _just fucking get over it._

“Hey.” Kyungsoo startles at the voice behind him. He turns and blinks rapidly at Minseok.

“H-hi.”

“I was serious, we should grab a meal and catch up sometime.”

“Yeah, yeah sure that’d be great. Let me know.”

“I will.” Minseok pauses, his eyes searching Kyungsoo’s face for something. “Hey I-”

“Hyung!” A cheery voice interrupts and Jongin bounds into the bathroom. “Sorry i’m late! Oh, Hello Minseok.”

“Jongin.” Minseok nods.

“Let’s go Hyung,” Jongin says taking his arm and pulling him away. In the mirror Kyungsoo catches an odd expression on Minseok’s face before he leaves.

Jongin forces Kyungsoo out to accompany him to a play that his actor friend is starring in and then a movie and dinner so he doesn’t have time to slip into his feelings and brood which he is very grateful for. Later, at Kyungsoo’s place Jongin glances at him every so often, his eyes full of questions and Kyungsoo is in the mood for talking so he does.

He tells Jongin everything, about how he had always been the quiet weird kid until Minseok moved in down the road and befriended him, how he stopped hating school because Minseok would be there, how Minseok had dreamed of being a singer and suddenly for the first time ever Kyungsoo had a dream too, how he’d given up college despite his parents protests so he could follow Minseok and their dreams, how when they weren’t successful it didn't matter to him because his dream was now just Minseok and nothing else, how he’d felt invincible and powerful and so so loved when he had Minseok by his side and nothing else had mattered more to him in the world.

He tells Jongin about the sudden betrayal and abandonment, the months of pain and heartbreak, things he hadn’t even told Chanyeol and Baekhyun slipping out. A sudden fear that this was too much too soon begins to blossom in his chest but before it can make its roots, Jongin grabs him into a huge hug, burying his face into the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that Hyung, that’s awful. Minseok is a bad bad man but don’t worry i’ll protect you from people like him!”

Kyungsoo laughs into Jongin’s hair and although it’s stupid he believes him.

 Kyungsoo's resolve to ignore his feelings prove far more difficult than he'd anticipated. Since the Yixing incident he and Jongin seem to have gotten incredibly close. At first Kyungsoo didn’t mind because Yixing was a sweet man and it meant Jongin wasn’t in his hair all the time but soon Jongin spent more of the work day with Yixing than with him and that was annoying.

Yixing was here again, Kyungsoo doesn't know why, and he and Jongin are off in a corner huddled over a phone. They're laughing over something dumb probably, Yixing’s arm around Jongin. For some reason, Kyungsoo is distracted by it, his eyes wandering over every so often. It's bad enough that Baekhyun notices and calls a break to the meeting they’re currently in the middle of. He pulls Kyungsoo aside.

“Kyungsoo what's going on? You've been weird for the last couple days and it's getting in the way of your work.”

Kyungsoo just kicks the floor with his toes, not answering.

Baekhyun sounds concerned. “What is is? You're never like this, especially while working. Is everything okay?”

Kyungsoo looks up in time to see Jongin kiss Yixing on the cheek. His fists clench by his sides. There's something bitter at the back of his throat.

“Fine.” Kyungsoo says shortly and he doesn’t miss the knowing look Baekhyun shoots him.

Kyungsoo knows why he’s bothered by Yixing but he's not sure if he likes it or what to do with it. He's been falling for Jongin for a while now, he knows, and it's hard not to. What with the way Jongin smiles at him, cheekily calls him Hyung, the way he lights up when talking about dancing or dogs. How he invades Kyungsoo's life whether he likes it or not, carving a place for himself in Kyungsoo's home, on his couch, in his bed and now in his heart. His thoughts have Kyungsoo so distracted that Baekhyun calls the meeting a wrap and lets everyone go home early. 

Kyungsoo rushes into his car and drives home not stopping to say bye to anyone. He sits on the couch with a glass of wine in his hand. So, he likes Jongin. That much was clear. It's shouldn't be a problem, it wasn't really, but he hadn't been in a committed relationship since Minseok and he didn't want Jongin to be just a fling. He knew Jongin was at least physically attracted to him, he could tell by the way his gaze lingered on his thighs and the prolonged touching Jongin was prone to. Kyungsoo doesn't know what he'll do if he confesses and Jongin rejects him. It'd make work awkward for sure, but he thinks what he feels may be a little more than just like and he's not sure how to deal with that. Not sure if he _can_ deal with it.

There's shuffling at the door as someone walks in. He had left the door open for Jongin, knowing he'd come by. He always came by. Jongin sits beside Kyungsoo on the couch. Kyungsoo stares at the coffee table, eyes tracing the faint ring where something had spilled and stained the wood.

“Are you okay?” Jongin asks, putting a hand on his thigh. Without meaning to, Kyungsoo flinches. Jongin withdraws his hand and there is silence. “You've been really weird lately and Baekhyun Hyung is worried too.”

Silence from Kyungsoo.

Jongin sighs. “Can I have some wine?”

Kyungsoo sips slowly from his glass, sloshing the warm liquid around in his mouth. Finally he looks at Jongin. He looks a little lost, probably wondering what had gotten into Kyungsoo all of a sudden. Kyungsoo nods in answer to his question and Jongin leans forward to take the glass from his hand. Jongin is so close, all the details of his face amplified and looking into his soft brown eyes, Kyungsoo makes a decision.

He brings his free hand up and to rest on Jongin's nape, pulling him in a little closer. Jongin's eyes widen as he looks at Kyungsoo questioningly. Kyungsoo leans forward slowly, the wine heavy in his mouth. He pauses, giving Jongin time to pull back but when he doesn't, Kyungsoo presses his lips to Jongin's. They stay like that for a bit, lips barely brushing and then Jongin opens his mouth, sucking on Kyungsoo's lip. Kyungsoo parts his own lips slightly, enough for the wine to spill out of his mouth and slip into Jongin's. He feels Jongin swallow against him. Kyungsoo pulls back, licking his lips.

“Can I have some more?” Jongin asks breathily, leaning in to lick Kyungsoo's chin where some of the wine had dribbled out during their exchange. He continues kissing along Kyungsoo's jaw, down his neck and back up to his lips. Kyungsoo closes his eyes, indulging himself in the feel and taste of Jongin. Finally. He award himself  few more minutes then pushed Jongin back.

“Jongin… I like you.” He confesses, searching Jongin’s face for an answer. Jongin just beams and leans in for another kiss. That was more than enough of an answer for Kyungsoo.

\---

Nothing much changes after the kiss, except Jongin is more touchy with him and sneaks make-out sessions in when no one is looking. He sleeps over way more often now although that’s nothing new. Kyungsoo isn’t sure if they’re actually dating or not but is too embarrassed to ask. Chanyeol and Baekhyun notice a change in Kyungsoo almost immediately but don’t seem to have figured out exactly what is is and Kyungsoo isn’t ready to supply them with answers just yet. He doesn’t even know if he knows what's going on yet. 

One day after catching Jongin being very clingy with Yixing he decides to put his pride aside. He drags Jongin into the studio and blocks the door with a bench.  

“Hyung what’s going on?” Jongin asks, a little frown on his face.

“Are we...” Kyungsoo starts then stops. It was awkward to ask. They weren’t teenagers anymore he shouldn’t be worried about this shit. But he was. “Are you and I...”

Jongin’s frown is slowly replaced by a very smug smile. “Are we what Hyung?”

“You know what i’m asking shut up and answer me.”

“How can I answer you if i shut up?”

“Stop it you insufferable jerk.”

“Ask me Hyung.”

“Are we...dating?”

Jongin walks towards him, his eyes dark, and Kyungsoo takes a step back until Jongin has him cornered against the glass. He leans in and kisses Kyungsoo until he can longer think of anything but Jongin’s lips and the feel of his soft hair between his fingers. Kyungsoo quite likes Jongin’s unique way of answering his questions.

Even though it’s official that they're dating, they don’t tell anyone. A secret relationship has its thrills and no one suspects anything because Jongin is always running around after Kyungsoo anyway. The press getting wind of their relationship would cause havoc and that was unneeded this close to the beginning of filming. He feels a bit bad keeping it from Chanyeol and Baekhyun but he wants to savour it for just a little while. They go on a few public dates disguised as friends hanging out but most of their time is spent at Kyungsoo’s apartment.

“Hmmm your collarbones are so pretty. Wish I could bite them.”

“You can.” Jongin pants from above Kyungsoo. They’d been watching a documentary but as was the case most days now, they’d gotten a little distracted. Kyungsoo chuckles, running his teeth teasingly over his skin, loving the way it makes Jongin shudder.

“Hyunnngggg.”

“What is it?” Kyungsoo teases.

“I said you can.”

“You can't-”

“I'll wear shirts or turtlenecks, I'm not promoting anyway it doesn't matter. Please Hyung.”

With Jongin practically begging, Kyungsoo can't say no. He raises his head again, his teeth pressing a little harder now. Above him, Jongin pants, one hand gripping Kyungsoo's side, the other tangled in his hair. He's just getting ready to sink his teeth further into Jongin's collar when the door crashes open. There's a rustle of bags and sounds of conversation, then Baekhyun and Chanyeol appear at the doorway. Damn the spare key.

“Hey, the door was open and _oh shit_.” Chanyeol gasps.

“Oh shit.” Baekhyun echoes.

Kyungsoo feels Jongin tense and even though he doesn't look he already knows Jongin's face is turning red. He squirms, trying to hide himself. Smirking, Kyungsoo suddenly bites down hard right where Jongin is most sensitive. Jongin lets out a musical moan and then claps a hand over his mouth in embarrassment. He collapses against Kyungsoo who lets out a loud moan, maybe a tad exaggerated for their guests.

“Yeah, we're just gonna-”

“Go. Yep, uh… bye I guess.”

Kyungsoo snickers into Jongin’s neck while he almost sobs in shame.

 

Auditions for the movie begin and Jongin’s company sign him up for a role. The idea of Jongin in the movie doesn’t bother Kyungsoo anymore and it’s not just because they’re dating and he’s a little bit in love with the man. Since the mentoring had begun, Jongin had studied and practised his acting hard. He’d gotten help from other senior actors not just Kyungsoo and taken every piece of advice seriously. He wasn’t perfect yet but Junmyeon had been right. He was hardworking and perhaps he did have a little talent.

The results of the audition are released a week before filming starts. Kyungsoo has the day off and is relaxing in bed when the doorbell rings. He wonders who it could be. The only people he ever has over are Baekhyun, Chanyeol and recently Jongin. Not one single one of them know how to knock. He opens the door in his robe and is surprised to see Jongi standing outside with a bunch of roses.

“What’s up? You never knock.”

Jongin beams at him and grabs him in a crushing hug. “Hyungggg!”

“I can’t breathe, Jongin.”

“I don’t care i’m so happy!” Jongin rocks from side to side.

“What happened?”

“I got it! I got the role!”

“Really?” Kyungsoo only knew the results of the main leads as of yet. “That’s great Jongin but come in i’m not dressed.”

“Just the way i like you.”

“Shut up.”

Jongin shuts the door and crowds Kyungsoo against it, peppering his face with kisses. “Don’t tell me you got me the role because you’re my boyfriend?”

“Don’t be silly I didn’t even know you had a role. You did it all on your own and i am very proud of you.” Kyungsoo ruffles Jongin’s hair.

“I thought you didn’t want me in it.”

Kyungsoo winces. “I thought you didn’t want to be in it.”

“That was before I met the amazing director.”

“That was before I discovered your ability. What are the flowers for? Shouldn’t I be giving you the flowers?”

Jongin hands the flowers to Kyungsoo. “Here you can give them to me.”

Kyungsoo gives him a once-over. “I’ve got another gift for you, follow me.” He takes Jongin’s hand and leads him to the bedroom.

\---

The months of filming pass by in a blur and too soon, filming is over. On the last day of shooting Kyungsoo watches Jongin film his last scene and remembers back to the day when he’d dreaded spending these months with Jongin. His feelings now could not have been more different. He feels a little sad that this chapter is closing but he’s comforted by the fact the Jongin will still be by his side even after the movie is over.

The team go out for a celebratory meal and Jongin holds Kyungsoo’s hand under the table the entire time. It makes eating difficult but he doesn’t mind one bit. After, they go back to Kyungsoo’s and Jongin whispers praises into his ear until he falls asleep.

With the production done, Kyungsoo has a lot more free time until the premier, so he and Jongin spend as much time as they can together. Baekhyun complains that Kyungsoo is neglecting him so he send him a selfie with Jongin on the beach. Even Chanyeol who never leaves his studio complains about never seeing Kyungsoo anymore. But for the first time in almost 20 years, Kyungsoo has found someone he wants to spend every waking moment with.

Their one year anniversary coincidentally falls on the day of the movie’s premier ( _It’s destiny, Hyung._ ). It’s an event that Jongin doesn’t have to attend as his role is pretty small but they make plans to hang out the next day. Kyungsoo opens the locked draw in his bedside cabinet and pulls out a small black box. He opens it and gently touches the twin rings set inside.

He’d set eyes on the ring in a shop while on vacation with Jongin in Japan. They were simple but beautiful bands with subtle diamonds set into them. He’d bought them on a whim because something about them was so captivating to him. He had no intentions of gifting them to Jongin, let alone proposing but since he’d bought it it had been weighing on his mind.

The moment of clarity had come one night on the couch. They had abandoned their dinner to have a heated argument over which Chris was the hottest when it suddenly struck Kyungsoo. This was the man he wanted to spend the rest of his his life with. He stopped and grabbed Jongin’s face in his hands, planting a kiss on his forehead while Jongin stuttered out “Hemsworth.” He would do it the day after the premier.

The night of the premier rolled around with a lot of excitement, anticipation and nerves. Kyungsoo sends Jongin a quick text while he’s getting his hair done. What with all the preparation, they hadn’t talked in almost a week and Kyungsoo wanted nothing more than this party to be over so he could finally see Jongin. His message is opened but there is no response. Just like most of his messages and calls the last few days. Kyungsoo swallows his disappointment and pushes on with his day. It wouldn’t be long till he could see Jongin again.

When the premier is over, Kyungsoo steps into the house, not bothering with the lights. Jongin was probably asleep anyway. He kicks his shoes off in the dark, not noticing the unfamiliar pair of shoes by the door. He stops at the sight of the ring box on the table. The wrapping has been ripped off and the box was open, the silver band inside glinting under the lights. _Shit_. How had Jongin found it? He wasn't supposed to see it until tomorrow.

Suddenly he's aware of a noise coming from the bedroom. He looks, and there's light spilling from the crack under the door. Was Jongin still awake? There was no way he hadn't figured out Kyungsoo's plan. Maybe he'd scared Jongin off? God, he hoped not. That's the last thing Kyungsoo wants. His heart thunders in his chest at the prospect of losing Jongin.

Kyungsoo heads to the bedroom, pausing as he steps over a shirt and a pair of jeans thrown messily on the floor. He doesn't think he recognises them. What was going on? Kyungsoo pushes the door open and his heart stops.

Jongin is awake but he's not alone. He's on his back, shirtless, jeans unbuckled and halfway down his thighs, eyes screwed shut and head thrown back. There are marks all over his chest, fresh red marks blossoming right before Kyungsoo's eyes and he watches in horror as the man hovering above Jongin sucks another hickey onto his skin. Jongin arches back and moans obscenely, nails dragging down the man's bare back, adding to the many scratches already there. Kyungsoo stands frozen in shock, his ears ringing.

What the _fuck_?

Kyungsoo makes a noise, something between a gasp and a whimper, and Jongin's eyes snap open, landing on him. He doesn't look surprised at all, just smirks and wraps his legs tighter around the strangers waist, pulling him closer until the man's hips rub against his. They both moan, Jongin still staring at Kyungsoo even as the pleasure washed across his features. Then, the stranger turns around.

It's not a stranger.

Minseok smiles at him, far too innocently for the situation he’s currently in. Something in Kyungsoo's chest cracks. He closes his eyes to shut out the sight, hands coming up to cover his ears in an attempt to block out the lewd sounds. The foreign yet familiar look in Jongin's eyes remind him of when they first met. And then, with a sinking feeling, Kyungsoo remembers Jongin's whispered promise all those days ago in the bathroom. The cold glint in his eyes when he'd looked at Kyungsoo, the harsh tone of his voice as he'd spat out the words. _“I'll show you what acting is.”_

It can't be, right? Kyungsoo was overthinking it. There was no way Jongin would do something like this just to spite him, his sweet Jongin could never be so cruel. Kyungsoo opens his eyes and as he looks again at Jongin lounging on the bed, _their_ bed, he knows he's wrong.

Kyungsoo can't fucking breathe. His hands shake and his vision has gone blurry. He blinks several times, realising there are tears dripping down his face. He wants to speak, wants to ask but nothing will come out. His throat is stuck, his words are stuck and it seems his heart is stuck too.

_How long?_

_How much of it had been a lie?_

_Why did it have to be Minseok?_

_Was he always in the picture?_

_Did you ever love me?_

 

_Were you ever mine, even for a moment?_

Kyungsoo looks into Jongin's eyes and he didn't think it was possible but his heart breaks again when he sees nothing but contempt and mockery. Still wrapped in Minseok’s embrace, Jongin leers.  “What is it Hyung? Still think I can't act?”

No, Jongin had never been his.

 

**Epilogue (kind of):**

'My annoying Hyung' wins ‘Best picture’ at the end of year award ceremony, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun receiving 'Director of the year' trophies and the entire crew are rewarded with a luxury getaway to Jeju. Even Jongin gets a ‘Rising actor’ award.

But instead of Kyungsoo it's Minseok that he smiles at, it's Minseok he wraps in a warm embrace, it's Minseok who kisses Jongin tenderly while the audience clap and cheer. It's with Minseok that Jongin shares the joy Kyungsoo should be feeling at the success of the movie he poured his heart into, and it's Minseok that holds the man Kyungsoo emptied his heart out for.

Kyungsoo looks away and acts like he doesn't care but maybe he's finally losing his touch because there's a Jongin-shaped ache in his chest that he can't quite pretend isn't there.


	2. Epilogue: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ask and I deliver...
> 
> Honestly I didn't want to add an epilogue because it takes away from the effect of the ending and i'm a cold bitch who loves to see people suffer. BUT Kyungsoo deserves some closure and so do my lovely readers so here you go! 
> 
> Not quite the revenge plot some of you were hoping for but I hope you're satisfied regardless.

_ Have you retired or what? _

Kyungsoo would be lying if he said he hadn't considered it or been tempted but he's pretty sure Baekhyun would literally kill him if he ever said so.

_ Mind your business.  _ He sends his response to Jongdae's text then puts his phone in his pocket so he can take the bag of fresh vegetables from the friendly stall lady.

"I put some extra in there, don't tell anyone!" She whispers.

Kyungsoo laughs and promises to keep it top secret even though they both know the rest of the villagers wouldn't mind one bit. He waves goodbye and steps into the fish shop next door.

"Kyungsoo-ya!" The old lady there rushes around the counter and grabs him in a hug. Kyungsoo hugs her back despite her fish stained apron. "You haven't been in a while, we thought you'd left as suddenly as you arrived."

"Ah, I would never leave without saying goodbye." He reassures her.

"Here, I kept the fresh fish aside for you to take before anyone else." She smiles warmly, leading him to the back of the shop.

When he'd first moved to the little seaside village almost two years ago the attention and love he'd gotten from all the locals had been a little overwhelming and hard to accept. 

Two days prior to his move, he'd been woken up by Baekhyun creeping into his room at 6 am. He'd shot up and struck Baekhyun over the head with a book from his bedside table before recognising who it was. After grabbing some ice for his sore head, he'd forced Baekhyun to tell him exactly what the fuck was going on.

Baekhyun had been reluctant to answer, instead trying to steal Kyungsoo's phone away from him. Immediately Kyungsoo had checked the internet and regretted it.

There was an article detailing rumours of Jongin and Minseok's engagement. 

He kicked Baekhyun out of his house insisting that he was  _ fine _ and just wanted to go back to sleep. He  _ was _ fine. Of course he was. It had been a few months and Kyungsoo was totally over it. It didn't matter. He didn't care. At all. He didn’t...

Two days later, he packed a bag and drove to his Grandma's house by the sea. She took one look at him and somehow just knew. Without a word she opened her arms and for the first time since That Day he let himself cry and cry and cry until his eyes were dry and it was just heaving sobs that escaped his shaking body.

His grandma made him a hot meal and tucked him into bed, humming his favourite childhood lullabies while gently stroking his hair. Finally, he closed his eyes and for the first time in a while slept without dreaming.

Since then he had remained with his Grandma, the idea of returning to Seoul becoming less and less appealing as the days went by. Baekhyun and Chanyeol called him a million times begging him to come back, even driving down to take him back with them but Kyungsoo refused.

He mentioned opening a restaurant by the sea while he was showing them around because the villagers loved his recipes and he enjoyed cooking for them. Baekhyun had almost combusted on the spot, shaking Kyungsoo by the shoulders and very kindly allowing him however long he needed to recover before his return. ' _ You WILL heal!' _ He insisted with teary eyes. Chanyeol had to drag Baekhyun away to stop Kyungsoo choking to death and Kyungsoo had never mentioned that idea again.

As he walks back home along the beach, his shopping bags swinging by his sides, several villagers wave and call out to him. Kyungsoo greets all of them with a genuine smile now, having finally been able to accept and return their affections.

Baekhyun was right though, he  _ was _ healing. It was taking some time but he was doing well. He had been awful in those first few months after the incident. He slept all day, barely ate and gave up on his movies altogether. His friends had eventually managed to drag him out of bed and he immediately threw himself into his work, not sleeping, not eating and not thinking.

Looking back, the news had come at a good time. A little longer the way Kyungsoo had been going and he would have burnt himself out. He still wasn't completely better yet though. The dark, lonely nights were the worst when memories of Jongin's warm body and roaming hands felt so real he would startle awake with a deep yearning in his heart and tears in his eyes. Often, he dreamt of his time with Minseok too which hadn't happened in years. He thought he’d gotten over that. He was wrong.

A crab scuttles over Kyungsoo’s shoes and he stops to let it pass, wishing it a safe journey back to the water. In the beginning Kyungsoo had hated the beach. The air was too sticky, the sand too rough against his feet, the ocean spray too cold, the sun too bright. But one sleepless night while he was walking along it to distract him from his thoughts something about the deserted beach illuminated only by the moon had struck him and he'd fallen in love with it. Since then, the sea had become his solace. 

Recovery was a long journey of overcoming years and years of self blame, doubt and hatred starting right back from when Minseok had left. He didn't blamed Minseok for leaving him behind, how could he when he had nothing to showcase or offer the other. Besides, being betrayed so cruelly not once but  _ twice _ was surely a sign that it was something he had done. He was to blame; it was his fault they had felt the need to leave. He was flawed and wrong and needed fixing.

Those were useless, toxic thoughts and although he recognised that it was hard to break away from it. With help from his Grandma, Baekhyun and Chanyeol he had slowly but surely come to the realisation that no, he was not to blame, had never been at fault. He had just trusted two wrong people. 

He wasn't flawed, and he wasn't broken. 

Hearing the hum of conversation, Kyungsoo snaps out of his thoughts and looks up towards a small crowd of people surrounded by cameras just ahead of him. It looked like something was being filmed on the beach. Curious, Kyungsoo steps closer and catches sight of a tan face and dark hair. 

He's finally lost it, he thinks to himself. All those days of thinking about Jongin and now he had begun to hallucinate. Just when he thought he was almost healed. 

He blinks several times, shielding his eyes from the sun to look closer and his heart stutters in his chest as he realises that he was in fact looking at Jongin and not a hallucination. Jongin is looking at him too, his face blank but his eyes full of recognition and something almost like pity. Kyungsoo lifts his foot to walk away when Jongin's face lights up in a smile.

"Hyung!" 

One word and suddenly, like a punch to the gut, Kyungsoo realises just how much he fucking  _ misses _ Jongin and his beautiful smile and shining eyes and  _ holy shit _ it still hurts after all this time. The most painful realisation is that he misses him even after everything he’d done. 

He hates himself for it.

Kyungsoo feels winded by the rush of feelings, unable to move even as Jongin walks closer and closer. He closes his eyes hoping it's a dream but the pain in his chest is too real. The sound of a camera clicking pulls Kyungsoo back to the beach. Of course. People were watching.

"Hyung, hi."

Kyungsoo clenches his fist around his groceries a little tighter. "Hello, Jongin."

"Are the rumours true? Don't tell me you've retired and become a fisherman." Jongin laughs. How he can make jokes as though nothing had happened is beyond Kyungsoo but it wouldn't be the first time he'd underestimated the man.

"I'm on a vacation."

"You look terrible." Jongin’s teasing smile hasn’t changed.

"I wonder why that could be." There's no bitterness in Kyungsoo's tone. Just fatigue. Something registers in Jongin's eyes but he doesn't respond. 

Kyungsoo turns away and walks over to a bench a little way off. He sits, setting his bags down and stares again out into the sea. Subconsciously he's waiting for Jongin to join him and he's not sure what would be worse: If Jongin walked away or actually came.

Jongin comes, sitting closer than he probably should. Kyungsoo doesn't move away. He wore a different perfume than he used to. They sit in silence, Kyungsoo watching the sea and Jongin watching Kyungsoo. 

"Minseok and I-"

Kyungsoo steels himself.

"-broke up."

He doesn't know what to feel of that. "That's a shame. You looked good together."

"Aren't you angry?"

Kyungsoo's laugh is hollow. “I was. I was furious. I wanted nothing more than to run over and pull you two apart and possibly even kick the shit out of you. But not for the right reasons. I wanted you to myself, hell I probably would have begged you to come back to me at one point. But now? No I'm not angry.”

“You don't want to know why I did it?”

Kyungsoo had spent so many sleepless nights and countless days wondering why. He wants to ask but as he looks into Jongin’s empty eyes, he shakes his head. “No. Nothing you can say will be able to justify what you did. Nothing. There isn’t a single good reason on this earth to screw someone over like that and play with their feelings.”

Jongin nods slowly. “I approached Minseok after the party that day when I saw how you reacted to him. He wanted nothing to do with me. He was very concerned about hurting you but I convinced him that we had nothing going on. When he found out later that we did, he wanted to stop what we were doing but I convinced him again and-”

“Why are you telling me this.”

Jongin shrugs. “I guess you don't know that Minseok is still in love with you.”

Kyungsoo laughs outright at that.

“Are you laughing?”

“Yes. I am. That's a joke, Jongin. You think he loves me?  _ He _ thinks he loves me? He doesn't. I'll tell you how I know. Because when you love someone, genuinely love another person, you would rather die than hurt them. If he had even an atoms worth of love for me he would never have been able to do what he did not once but twice. I wasn't asking him to give up on his dreams, or to take me with him or force him to be with me. The only thing I wanted-  _ needed- _ was a goodbye. But he didn't have the decency to offer me even that despite knowing what he meant to me. And then to come back and do it all over again? If he thinks that's love then I pity him.”

Jongin doesn’t say anything, just looks at him.

Kyungsoo takes a breath. “And do you know what else Jongin? I pity you too. From the bottom of my heart I feel sorry for you. You think you won because you fucked me over? Because I loved you more? Because I gave you my heart? You're wrong. If anything  _ you're _ the loser because you were incapable of feeling all that love I had to offer you. You don't understand the joys of spending time with that special person, the amount of happiness you can gain from just seeing them or hearing their voice. Hell, even thinking of them is enough to fill your stomach with butterflies and make your heart beat faster. I felt all that for you and you missed out on it. And you will continue to do so because I don’t think you’re capable of loving anyone but yourself and that is a very sad way to live. I’ve learnt my lesson and someday you will too.”

As Kyungsoo walks away from Jongin he leaves a little part of himself there on that bench, just like Minseok had taken a part of him away too. There's nothing he can do about the scars Minseok and Jongin had left on him, those marks would never completely fade he knew. But he also knew that it was up to him how he dealt with his experience. He'd had enough. He would no longer allow anyone to dictate his life or his pain. Fuck Jongin and fuck Minseok.

For the first time since his idol days, a fresh melody plays in his mind. Snippets of notes and lyrics come to him and he hums gently as the sea breeze blows over him. He’d have to give Chanyeol a call later.

He knows he's going to be okay regardless of what happens. One day, he might return to Seoul, maybe direct movies again, possibly even find someone who actually loves him as much as he loves them. But even if he doesn't do all those things, never finds someone who he can love again, he was going to be okay because Kyungsoo had finally learnt the most important lesson of them all: How to love himself. 


End file.
